This weekend I started out with the best intentions. I had a fab big to-do list choc full of stuff we really wanted to do. Some things fun, some just chores.
But sometimes making plans and being 34 weeks pregnant just don't mix. Because about an hour into our Saturday plans I was stopped in my tracks. Those darn braxton hicks contractions decided to make their first appearance this pregnancy. And I am not gonna lie to you, it wasn't pretty. Every time one hit I thought I was going to throw up. I didn't want anything touching me, all I could do was pace back and forward in my house with tears streaming down my face.
The thing is they weren't unbearably painful, but they were nasty and I could literally taste the vomit in my throat. But as for the crying, I have no idea. I have never cried in labour, or even come close to it. But I just could not stop myself. After what seemed like forever I resorted to sitting/laying in the bottom of the shower. Trying to wash away the tears and the pains and the awful sick feeling. I must have stayed in there for an hour before I crawled out and onto my bed without even bothering to dry myself. That is where I stayed until nearly 6pm.
Talking about it all with Todd later that night I came to the conclusion that the tears were because I feel so unprepared. Up until last weekend, we kept saying that we have plenty of time. No rush to get things/buy things/finish the nursery because its not like we are in any hurry.
But you guys, it finally hit me. We only have 6 weeks, give or take. That is not long at all. And I am a planner. I feel stressed and anxious if I don't have a plan. So I really don't know why I have been almost avoiding getting organised. Maybe it's because I still haven't hit that stage of pregnancy where you are completely at your wits end and just want it over and done with already. I don't know. But I have suddenly found myself willing him to stay put as long as he can until I feel more organised and less unprepared. Considering I am getting pretty darn huge and basically anything that I put on is uncomfortable, that is a pretty crazy notion.
Todd has told me to go and get everything I need and pack my hospital bag for myself and baby C and that once I have done that I will probably feel a little less anxious. I sure hope he is right. Because I want to be able to just sit back and relax and enjoy the rest of this pregnancy. It's my last one and I want to cherish it.
But for now I will resort to more list writing and trying to remember everything you need for a newborn. Suddenly an almost five year break since my last newborn seems like a crazy idea because my mind seems completely blank. I mean why else would I cry worrying I wouldn't remember how to breastfeed.
Huge thank you to anyone who read through this entire crazy ramble. Sometimes it feels better just to let it all out.
Oh and feel free to send any ideas of newborn essentials my way. Seriously, please do!
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